I played the organ as the accompanist for our church's boys
choir for quite a few years while I was in High School and later when I attended
Duquesne University. I played every morning and was paid one dollar per day. In
those days being a Catholic Church organist was considered more of a gift to the
church than a "real" job. I've only had a handful of music lessons...always
played by ear the way my Mom still does, but I always knew the liturgy well
enough to know what the music should "feel like". This was a problem when I'd
play for any choir that was singing in harmony...because the notes on the page
that they were singing weren't necessarily the ones I was playing....but heck in
those days it was only a buck that we were really dealing with...easy
come...easy go.
My first higher paying gig was at an old German parish in
Carnegie, Saint Joseph's. It was a beautiful old church with the school on the
first floor and lots of creaky old steps up to the organ loft upstairs. The
grand old pipe organ was a bit intimidating, and my audition was complicated
since I could play all the required pieces...by sight, with my own made up left
hand...but the kindly retiring former director liked me and how I played, and
also promised to teach me more about the foot pedals which he did.
The pastor was Sylvester J. Kress, and to say that he was
unusual would be accurate by any one's standards. Lots of Catholics have always
gone to Mass in order to "get it over with"....and if you were one of those
folks in Carnegie...Father Kress was your man. He was able to say the Mass,
speak or read a letter to the congregation, give out Communion, and squeeze four
hymns into the service in about 30 minutes on Sunday morning. The weekday
Masses were another story however. Mass was at 8:00 every morning, and I had
one of those "real jobs" teaching a special education class about 20 minutes
away, where school began at 8:30. I was never late for school. The 8:00 Mass
would begin at about 7:55 and was over by 8:11...with four hymns and Communion
for the kids who came to Mass every morning. His all time record was a nine
minute Mass....I remember because I had a more leisurely drive that
day.
Fr Kress hated the choir that I put together....and would
regularly turn off the lights while they were still singing the final hymn. When
I once went to the rectory on a rainy day to discuss a problem with half of the
congregation singing in English for Benediction while the others were still
singing in Latin, he left me standing in the rain with the door barely cracked
open. After his usual "what do you want?"....and me posing my question, he
quickly barked out " I don't care if they sing it in Polish" then slammed the
door.
Fr Kress's sister would often come to Mass and sit in the
front pew. Every once in awhile she'd holler out "SLOW DOWN"....and he'd glare
at her. Once when he was gobbling down the host she yelled " PIG !". That one
caused the kids to all start laughing, and almost stopped the Mass. The only
other major disruption that I remember was when a mentally deranged woman
entered the church holding a picture of Jesus on the top of her head and marched
up the center aisle shouting about the end of the world. She and Sylvester
almost came to blows when he chose to argue with her. The kids all started
laughing and screaming...the nuns went wild trying to keep control....but the
verbal battle raged on until the woman processed back down the aisle and left.
Other than a dog attack one warm spring morning when Father Kress was revealed
to be afraid of little black poodles...when he was in the middle of the
Consecration, life went on like clockwork...very fast clockwork.
My organist pay gradually increased, I learned to read
music...a little, and the stories of the fast track Mass in Carnegie became legendary...as are the tales of the very unusual Sylvester J. Kress.
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