There are lots and lots of people who have influenced my life...and that process of course continues today. One person who helped me become whatever it is that I've become, or that I'm still evolving into was my mother's father. My grandfather was one of the most good natured people that I've ever known. His favorite sayings were " throw your shoulders back" and "keep a stiff upper lip".
He had friends from every walk of life, which was evidenced by the people who showed up at his wake. O'Brien's funeral home was filled with everyone from the mayor of Pittsburgh to a couple of guys in dirty work shirts who knew him from the Oyster House where he'd meet his friends for a beer. I tease my friend Bill about always talking to people wherever he goes...whether he knows them or not, but that's really a charming way to travel through your life. My grandfather was always looking to discover the best in people...he always told me to "look real hard, and you'll find some good in everyone."
When we'd pass a beggar on the street he'd always give them money...and he never really had that much. When I told him that my mother said that the person probably was going to use it to buy a drink,my grandfather said maybe that was true but maybe the man really was just hungry. Once we met two nuns downtown and he insisted on giving them money...telling them to buy some ice cream for the whole convent. It wasn't at all unusual for someone to show up at my granparent's door with a message from my grandfather that my grandmother would make him a sandwich. (My aunt Ruthie would sometimes answer the door there and smile very sweetly while she told the person she'd get them some food...as she silently slipped the latch on the screendoor. When I was about ten, my grandfather and I were room mates at a summer cottage, and the first thing he did was fill up a dish with a whole lot of silver change..mostly dimes and quarters, and announced that it was for both of us...to use "whenever we needed some money" I was the kid with unlimited resources at the penny candy store that summer.
I think his greatest gift to me was his unconditional acceptance and support. He'd sit forever while I'd practice the Kyrie from the Missa Salve Regina, always saying to "keep at it...you're getting it"...or " atta boy" when I'd show him my kinda okay report card. I was not the most conventional sort of a kid. ( I can imagine some of you chuckling at that statement)...but whatever I did, my grandfather's unwavering delight and acceptance felt so loving and reassuring that I felt I was allowed to have really big dreams.
His big Irish heart was broken when my grandmother died. He said he wouldn't sing anymore after that, and this was heartbreaking for all of us. He always sang around the piano while my mother played "Galway Bay" or what he said was the "unpublished" verse from "Where the river Shannon flows". I learned from his profound grief just how deeply love can hurt. Eventually he did sing again...but there was a little something missing. Since I'd always kissed him on the cheek when he'd come and go, after my grandmother died he said I should kiss him twice...one for my granmother.
Now my grandfather died on a cold October day when I was 13. That was a lot of influence..in a short period of time...and a long long time ago, but I try to see things with his eyes when life gets rough and complicated. I remember as clear as a bell when I stood with my mom and dad beside my grandfather's casket and my mom said " I really loved my mother...but I absolutely idolized my dad.". I think I did also.
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