SCHNAUZERS, BOOZE, AND THE AWNING MAN

Aunt Coletta and Aunt Margaret always preferred to be called by their proper names, however we always called them Montie and Tootie when we reffered to them. They were my mother's aunts, my grandmother's sisters. They spent most of their lives together, never married, eventually living with their brother Maurice...who was a "confirmed bachelor". Sometimes I wonder if my gay male friends qualify as "confirmed bachelors" as well. Anyway, Margaret and Coletta were "proper".

They kept a perfect home, collected beautiful things, had lovely china and table linens, lace curtains, and a not too friendly schnauzer...who was always given M&M's as a treat. Consequently they went through an unusual number of schnauzers.

Our mothers regularly visited the aunts, and my cousin and I usually went along. There was always a considerable amount of prep before one of those visits....hair combed with a little Vaseline Hair Tonic, nice clean ironed shirt, clean shoes etc. The visits were nice, not really fun, and highly scrutinized...especially by Aunt Margaret. She was the first woman treasurer of the Potter Bank of Pittsburgh ( which became PNC)...long retired by the time we'd visit her, while Aunt Coletta had been payroll manager at Rosenbaums department store.

The conversations might consist of a twenty minute discussion of why the awning man had come a day early that year to put up the porch awnings, and how they'd consequently decided to keep ten thousand dollars in their checking accounts in case he ever prematurely arrived again. My cousin and I would sit like little princes on the sofa during the visit, on our best behavior while we took little bites of our cookies. One of our wilder relatives had visited the aunts a few weeks before and when they turned on the TV for him he'd decided to lie down on the floor. After a lengthy discussion of what might have possessed him to do something so unusual, it was decided that "there's probably nothing wrong with it...we're just not USED to it".

My cousin and I eventually began to sense another possible side to the perfectly lovely and proper little world of Greenleaf Street. My parents bought a big bottle of Canadian Club one year at Christmas, and with the whiskey purchase a nice black and gold ornament was included, with a big CC in the design. When we visited them after the holidays my cousin whispered to me to "check out the Christmas tree in the front hall". The tree was perfect of course, festooned from the angel on the top all the way to the trunk with a whole lot of those ornaments...a whole lot. We were always accustomed to hearing our aunts say things like " well, maybe I'll have a light little cocktail...just this once".

Margaret and Coletta must have had a hell of a lot of light little cocktails.

Once again for fear of overwhelming my faithful readers, and because it's about 150 degrees where I'm sitting, I'll need a part two for this one! It's even too hot for a light little cocktail these days.