SISTER MARY ALBERTA C.D.P. PART 4

It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. I always hated school....took after my mother who still says sometimes she wakes up so glad that she doesn't have to go to school. She always encouraged my brother and I to stay home when it was cold...or rainy. She'd just write a note, and we'd sometimes have to argue with her that we should or had to go to school. Suddenly, in the eighth grade, I couldn't WAIT to get back to that three ring circus. All the "laughers" quickly banded together into what we called the "Mickey Mouse Club", and we'd gather every Friday night to eat pizza (chef Boyardi), play Spin the Bottle and recount stories about Sister Alberta from the previous week.

The battles between Sister Alberta and Sister Evarista were both frequent and fascinating. The two of them shared not only the one set of hymnals, but also a little pump organ that had to be carted from Sister Evarista's chamber of horrors directly below our classroom, up to our bright and sunny insane asylum above.

One day out of the blue, Sister Alberta decided to have a boys choir rehearsal and dispatched Donald Witfeld to get the books from Sister Evarista. Witfeld sprang to action and returned minutes later...sans books, and a message from Sister. " She said she's using them"...the reply to which was " Well tell her that I need them....NOW". Off he flew again, only to sheepishly tell her in a shaky little voice that Sister said she could not have them. At this point Sister Alberta proceeded to the center of our classroom, shoved a few desks and their inhabitants aside, hiked up the bottom of her habit, and stomped on the floor like she was trying to put out a brush fire. The desk lids flew open and howls could be heard from aisle to aisle. Little did Sister know however that soon she would once again have bigger fish to fry. The pump organ was eventually delivered along with the hymn books, and it was clearly evident that one of the keys was missing. All hell broke lose.

Sister Evarista denied that the damage occurred under her watch, and many of us thought they the two of them might actually begin to wrestle. At this point any sort of scholastic program was tossed to the wind for at least a week. People were lined up to take another oath...coats were searched, every desk was ransacked and the search for the missing key turned Sister Alberta apoplectic. She had her suspicions..ranging from Hipsy Gibbon to the trembling Donald Witfeld whose door duties increased dramatically as Sister's blood pressure skyrocketed. Many of Sister's inquisition tactics struck me as hilarious, and as a consequence there were extra prayers added to our daily routine...and many of them targeted me. " Now we'll say an extra Hail Mary for the boy who doesn't trust Saint Anthony" or " Now we'll say an extra prayer for the boy who doesn't like the Blessed Mother". I guess I felt a little awkward praying for myself, and one day stood with my hands in a really sloppy "prayer position", I was aware that Sister was quietly gliding through the aisles towards me, but I was still startled to hear the rustle of her veil directly behind me as she said very softly..."you demon".

SISTER ALBERTA PART 4 NEXT THURSDAY