SISTER MARY ALBERTA C.D.P. PART 9

All hell broke loose at the May Crowning. The culminating event for the month of May was the crowning of the statue of Mary in the church. There was fierce competion for the role of the May Queen, who would often wear a wedding gown or something similar, and be surrounded by five or six runners up. I used to think the whole thing was fixed. Since Sister Alberta was the eighth grade teacher, it fell to her to organize and oversee the grand event for the entire parish. In those days, an event at the church brought everyone out to participate....maybe decorating the church, fashioning wreaths of flowers for the girls to wear, planning the reception, etc. There was always a grand procession, all the girls in the school of course, the second graders who had just made their first holy communion, all the choirs, and of course the queen and her court. All the nuns must have met in a secret conclave to chose my friend Susan as the May queen...I don't remember casting a ballot, but I do remember thinking it was rigged, but the nuns all liked Susan, popular vote be damned.

Once again math, science, history,and geography were tossed aside as we had hymns to learn and processions to practice. Sister Alberta commandeered the pulpit, had Donald test the microphone, and began whipping us into a version of the Nazi Youth. I can still hear her voice booming instructions about how the girls should drop their rose petals. " one, two,three, DROP ! one,two,three DROP!", while the choirs sang " Earth is darksome, we are weary, Satan lays his snares for all". ( Maybe that's where Rick Santorum picked up the Satan stuff). Sister's voice thundered above the music while the girls arms glided up and down with the petal drop. At one point she barked the following " Should anyone faint, step over the body and continue the procession". Some of the younger kids looked like they were heading to the gallows.

When the much anticipated big day finally arrived Sister was feeling the pressure. My cousin and I got to the church early, donned our cassocks and surpluses that our mothers had ironed, and began to line up. Now sister had been stressing the proper attire for the girls for weeks..."pastel dresses"...and as the girls began to arrive she was at the microphone clucking her approval as the soft shades of the rainbow started filling in. Then Jane arrived. Poor Jane had never recovered from the taffy apple incident, could never look Sister in the eye, and had developed a tremor ever since she'd arrived taffy apple-less in the Fall. Jane looked very fashionable, and absolutely doomed in her new black poodle skirt. Sister lost it. "POODLES! FOR THE BLESSED MOTHER ! POODLES!" I don't know what Jane did..I don't remember her dropping her rose petals...nor do I remember her at all after that fateful day.

What I do remember is how a person's life might ostensibly be ruined....all because of taffy apples and poodles.