SIDE EFFECTS

There certainly are a great many ads these days for the drug companies.  It seems that along with the vast selection of remedies for almost any condition there are also some pretty scary side effects.  Some have always sounded rather benign, but it seems like they've up the ante lately...maybe because they're required by the FDA to be more explicit, but whatever the reason the treatments sound worse than the cure.  I love the little butterfly that glides into the bedroom window and lights on the pillow for LUNESTA and gently allows that lucky person to sleep for eight hours, but it seems that the side effect isn't quite so mild.  You might get a great night's sleep and then have your neighbor tell you they saw you mowing their lawn in your jockey shorts at four in the morning.."there have been reports of users of LUNESTA driving or engaging in other activities without remembering". YIKES.  Was that you in your dalmation pajamas at the WENDYS drive through in the middle of the night?
  Between the one that calms your nerves but might cause you to beat up everyone in your neighborhood, try to kill yourself, or bleed to death....and the testosterone aid that will cause any females in the house to begin to grow facial hair if they "accidentally" come in contact with it...I think I'd rather wing it.
  But of course my favorite is for all the men who have a certain more embarrassing situation...and can now take a little pill once a day...just in case their companion happens to brush by them and they suddenly find themselves in matching bathtubs in the rain forrest.  Trouble with this one is backache, headache, upset stomach..(all of which might just temper the "urge" for me)..and the much dreaded FOUR HOURS.  Now work with me here...I imagine most romance occurs in the evenings...so if you get that most dreaded of all side effects...you're told to call your doctor right away...at three in the morning?  If I called my doctor I'd get an appointment for three weeks later.  A trip to the emergency room might be awkward..."and what is your emergency ?". FOUR HOURS ?
   I think I'll stick to Tylenol and Bayer, and be hyper-vigilant about bumping into my partner when he's painting the garage.